First of all, the only reason why I'm posting this entry is that I'm sure that certain people don't read it.

I'm faced with a dilemma. My friends have advised me that there are two possible paths.
1) That I take the suffering like a man and suppress my urges to retaliate.
2) That I remove myself from any situation in which I may feel the need to retaliate.
I've (perhaps foolishly) come up with another alternative, not necessarily better.
3) That I confront the situation head on.

Since things turned out so horrendously after I ignored my friends' previous advice, let's take a close look at option number 3. Option 3 has the benefit that it seems like it's exactly what I need. But do I want it because it allows me to retaliate? Is retaliating bad? What kind of retaliating falls into the category of going too far?

Option 2 is not something that can go on forever. It'll be good to take a break for a couple weeks until some people get back from vacation. But it's only a holding action that's primarily designed to give me time to get into the right frame of mind to be able to handle option 1. But will it actually provide that, or will I be back with the same problem in two weeks time?

Option 1 has the advantage of allowing me to be able to have the most fun with the situation. Which would be great if I was OK with everything, but I'm not. So the fun is ruined because taking the beating is not fun at all. And there's a big question mark as to whether I'll be able to resist any urge to retaliate. The problem is that it feels like everything is a retaliation, no matter what I do right now. Basically, If I do option 1 now, it seems like every time something happens, I'd have to physically STOP, calm myself down, and mentally tell myself to "be in control, be cordial, don't be a child" Is that a healthy thing to have to constantly do?

You know what? I'm a huge pessimist. I don't think anything's going to change with the situation. I think I'm going to be right back here in 2 weeks with the exact same set of problems. I guess the right choice is to go with option 2 and very gently ease my way into option 1. This is not an either/or proposition, but a gradation. Trying to maintain a certain level of option 2 may also require just a teeny bit of option 3 as well. But a full blown option 3 should probably be held as a last resort.

It all sounds so masochistic. OK. Time to bury this post under pictures.