I came to the realization today that I've been filling myself with unrealistic expectations. There's no simple fix or easy way out of my problems. I have to accept the fact that my problems will not be going away soon.

It's such a shame, too. What used to be such an enjoyable social network for me has now turned into a place of so much unhappiness. Luckily, through the grace of Sandy and Hanlin and so many other people, I may have found a new group that it so much more loving and accepting.

Unfortunately, I have obligations to keep with my old network, and so I can't take the easy way out by abandoning them. But I must remember to keep my expectations realistic. It's not right of me to place my friends in a position where they would have to choose one side or another. I have to realize that it will not be a happy place for me. And everytime I go, I will have to deal with it on my own. Using inner strength, and not relying on others or expecting others to be able bring me joy in those times.

I place my trust that things will eventually get better. Not in days or weeks, but in months or years. The suffering is for me and me alone to endure. And they do not deserve to ever know me, or the sacrifices I make for them.