One day at the end of 2006, I woke up with a different perspective on one of the issues I was facing. I felt like for a brief moment I was looking at the situation through the eyes of the other party. And some of the things that I thought were obvious to anyone about my behavior were, in fact, not quite so clear to the other side.

I was in a restaurant eating dinner with some of my friends, and the waiter served me. I meant to say "Thank you," but I mumbled it and it came out very soft. Which led me to think: if nobody heard my remark, then does the fact that I meant to say it mean anything? Forget about the fact that God knows what my true intentions were, and forget the fact that I know what I meant to say; I'm talking about how the outside world views me as a person. If I meant to say "Thank you," but the outside world never sees that, then the outside world is perfectly justified in concluding that I am the kind of person who doesn't thank people in that situation. Correct?

In other words, my intentions are PQR, but the world observes me doing XYZ. And so the world concludes XYZ about me, even though in actuality I am PQR. Even worse, I don't know that the world observes me doing XYZ. I'm under the mistaken impression that it should be patently obvious to the world that I am PQR.

If such a misunderstanding results in the dissolution of a friendship, who is to blame? Am I to blame for not realizing that my actions are being interpreted as XYZ instead of PQR? Is the other side to blame for not digging a little and postulating that my actions could mean PQR instead of XYZ? Is anyone to blame?

How do you fix such a misunderstanding? Each side assumes they understand the situation, but in reality, the two views are incompatible. And so a friendship is lost, and each side wanders down their own path through life, never realizing the central problem was one of misunderstanding.

Fine, so now I've realized that my actions are very possibly being interpreted in a different way than I thought. Then it naturally falls onto me to break the cycle of misunderstanding. But how to do that? The other side believes XYZ about me and wants nothing to do with XYZ people. Is it possible to get someone to change their mind about such a thing? Is it possible to do so if they do not wish to think about the situation? What if they've come to peace with XYZ and don't wish to dredge up the situation again?

Maybe we need to accept that sometimes the hurt that arises from trying to fix a problem outweighs the possible chance at reconciliation. Maybe sometimes we need to accept the fact that some problems are not solvable.

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
And the reason is you